Regard

Today I gave up my seat on the bus to an elderly woman who's legs where obviously insufficient to sustain her through the high-speed jerking ride that awaited her.  The bus was indeed full.  But no one else appeared even mildly concerned about the woman's safety.  So she sat next to my four-year-old daughter.  At the next stop, an elderly man rose from his seat farther down the bus but refused to move until he signaled me to come to the seat.  While recognizing his kindness, I declined.  I didn't want to be that far from my daughter.  Eventually the woman and I began to chat.  She told me that she is not originally from Guangzhou but came here for work.  She offered to hold my bag that was obviously causing me some difficultly as people pushed by me.  I thanked her and handed the bag.  She asked why I thanked her, and I told her that I thought her offer was kind.  She insisted that it was I who had been so very kind to her.  And she said it with great sincerity.

I thank my ayi (nanny/cleaning lady) multiple times per day as she shows me what she accomplished for the day.  I think she does excellent work both in my home and the care she provides for my daughter.  She is honest, kind, and hardworking.  I believe she deserves the appreciation that I provide.  But she tells me that this is her job, so I should not thank her.  But I do anyway.

Giving up my seat or thanking an employee are hardly noble actions.  I do them mostly because I come from a culture where that is appropriate behavior.  But I wonder why it isn't appropriate behavior in all cultures.  I don't pretend to believe that Americans are a shining example of kindness or civility, but I think that at the core of most Americans we understand what these values are, and we understand the fact that they are indeed values.   (I recognize that political debate in the United States has waned from that understanding in recent years.)  That aside, I am left to wonder about those who are so focused on their own person that the do not see nor respond to the needs around them.

The bus I was riding took some friends and me to Baiyun mountain, where we climbed to the top and rode a tram down.  The mountain was nice, but nothing like home.  It was crowded, the roads and paths were paved, it was scattered with refreshment stands, amusements rides, a bungee jumping tower (which I went up but them chickened out as I stood on the platform, inches from jumping).  But even there, in the place of semi-nature/semi-amusement I found so much disregard.  At one point, among a crowd of people, my daughter stopped and asked me to remove her sweater.  We were not walked on a road, but a wide paved trail.  A park vehicle carrying passengers down the mountain appeared from around the curve and was heading straight for us.  The driver had sufficient time to swerve around us or slow down, but she proceeded at the same speed without any deviation.  People around us moved, but Hazel, confused stood still.  I yelled to the driver that she should stop, but she looked straight at me and kept driving.  So I put my hand out.  She finally stopped inches from me and my daughter.  On the bungee tower, I initially proceeded to the platform anxious but focused.  As I walked out, I felt the man overseeing the jump push me hard from behind.  He caught me completely off guard and rattled me.  I stepped back.  He started trying to persuade me to jump.  Several times I asked him to wait.  I wanted a moment to gather myself.  But each time I stepped close to the edge, I would feel his hand shoving me.  So I would grab the walls aside the platform.  He was so determined to get me off, that he never gave me the opportunity to do it for myself.  So I walked away.  Maybe I wouldn't have jumped anyway.  But I certainly wasn't under those conditions.  And later, as we purchased tickets for the tram ride down, my sweet friend who speaks Chinese natively requested a senior citizen ticket.  However, she did not hand the cashier her ID, which the sign about the window indicated was essential to verify age.  By looking at her, it was obvious she was not attempting a scam, but the cashier instead responded: "Can't you read, woman?" And then demanded full price.

So it isn't about the few extra dollars my friend had to spend, or the fact that I didn't get the few moments I required to muster the courage to do something that many others are able to do without those moments. Nor is it even about the idea that I would have had to grab my child and run to save her from harm.  Rather, it is about the focus on one's own task at the utter disregard for those in one's immediate proximity and direct sphere of influence.  In everything we do, we have the impact to influence people.  What I can't understand is if these people today didn't realize that or just didn't care.  But I do think it matters, and I hope that I can figure it out.